Benjamin Poynter

(Out of order.)

(Dialtone.)

I think I am going to suffer tonight. Somebody hold my hand. Anyone.

A shriek of pavement in sorrow echoes through the metro. This lot is a miles wide in every direction away from me. I cower before a telephone booth drenched in dust graffiti. I flinch at threats written about them from people I don't know. I am a Chinese delivery boy. My vehicle has broken down in this concrete labyrinth. I think my boss has fired me now. I think my fiancee has left me. I am still disowned by my family, the Pacific ocean over. I am fucked in this lifetime.

All I wanted was a night drive. All I wanted was my head to rest on something besides responsiblity. 11 PM, the hour my shift begins and the hour some privleged junkie wants his box of rice. This image shifts to the box of light in front of me that has no connection to the outside world. I fear it, and it is so like me.

Boss yells at me for a while. I want to reply, but the weight of many nights like this lose me the will to instigate any form of destiny. My financee has threatened moving back to Beijing with her ex, as a secretary under her father's law firm. On more than one occasion. "What can I do, bitch?", as I take the first drag of the night on my cigarette. I don't care what the boss says anymore, and Capellas sell half price on Tuesday nights.

I dropped out of college cause there was a hole in my heart. I saw you in the flowers and imagined you filling it, but it takes a full pocket to fill a soul these years. Fuck. And it was graduate school anyway, but this delivery job was all the establishment offered me. Fuck.

I took the car out for a joyride after the third delivery. It was 1 AM, or some shit, by then. I emptied my whole carton by then. Circles of sulphur... they burned and burned around the lot at night. I even let loose some sparks, and they looked like stars in the night. I never felt happier. Then the metal became louder. Then the delivery tank lost its war. I never felt sadder.

I pushed it just far enough to the booth I saw.. contemplating what this entails for my immediate future. I'll just call.. I can easily say I got lost to a place. The boss yells at me for making multiples of quota regardless. He'll dock my pay. My fiancee will scold me for that. But I've gotten used to not being loved. God bless America.

Then..

(Out of order.)

Out of order. Out of order.

I'm sure, miles away from my suffering here, my life is ending. I'm too stupid to end it myself, so my greatest enemies need to do that deed. The dialtone.. God that dialtone. It gets louder. It sings in harmony with the echo of the endless lot.. full of ghosts who needed this same long distance call. I imagine them getting rides from this hellhole, and back to a home with walls. I wonder if its possible to sleep standing, as I stare at the booth.

Now I do something profound.. I stop thinking. My uniform is a flag, representing not country or love, but me. It hangs on an antenna like my ancestors who died on a beach somewhere. Instead of dying on this concrete shore, I'll run goddamn it all. I'm just going to run into the blinking seas of lights. If those anonymous threats come true, let them. If I'm unemployed, I'll chance that. I won't have a woman to take care of. I won't have any of it. I won't.

I turn around before I leave for my new life. I write on in the dust, of uncut diamonds who used the booth before. "God bless you." Seconds later, you'll never know me again.

"C A S I N O D O G F I G H T"

Corvettes orange through this diamond glare

Mimicing the pain of a cigarette's flare

I question my life tonight, in a starry stare

He's face down in blood..No truth in dare

He made love to a sidewalk..to her lips he pressed

He fell like Icarus..In sinful lights he rests

Imaged rockstars, cars..illusion that's blessed

A cherry blonde for men who find mind stressed

I am Zero..but a girl once called me Jack

I'm really inside myself..under my own attack

In a nickel-gun fantasy, smiles that lack

His corpse is frowning..but I know he'll be back

(In reverie, ridding of plague..I am esteem

From the depth of sorrow, I scream to redeem)

His name is seven..and he has three lives

He plays the casino like a star..

He plays with nine knives

(Earlier that evening..

A fight I was seeking)

I played the part of defiance..to a sorrow, rage

I stormed the casino reverie like a drunken sage

My job was to annihilate him, and exit stage

Thrice times a bleeder, and I'd slam the page

(Twas what I screamingly thought

But sadness in battle is apparently taught)

Nethertheless, he was drinking at the bar

I grabbed him by the arm, and knocked his teeth afar

Three times a mocking blow, leaving a cherry scar

Looked for a finisher..At the lottery a car

He punched, kicked, thwarted my choke hold

With each of his obstructions, my blood ran cold..

Then he took out his knife..made my hand fold

Scream, scream in pain..now your death is sold

Past the roulettes, poker, and dice

I'm a black-jack eted assassin, no reason to be nice

Dragged him to the shotgun side, the door- a vice

Slammed it on his head several..that's your price

Your price for being melancholy to the world's holy

Payment for wearing down a man, who fought wholly

Wearing me down..I turn the engine slowly

Let him fly off with the car..dragging so lowly

He hit a few bumps, a shiny shoe or two

He hung onto the car seat like guillotine glue

Into the blazing lights and pinballs he flew

He went out with a bang..Life one was through

(The reason for his blue blood and spark

Reason for a resolve so empty and dark

She met me that crescent, in the lonely park

Left me, goodbye..like a wolf in the ark)

It only fueled the contempt, bashing in my mind

I await second arrival..more brutal this time

No police or God.. this dream allows the crime

I drank his drink at the bar..no sooner does he find-

I find the fast horseshoe of a stallion's painwish

White horse..Seven on top..serving up a deathful dish

Swooped up in evasion, drawing 'my' stallion to a swish

A barrel pointed at Whitey..a horse in it, as a fish

Bang bang..bang bang..the race horse goes down

I pull the trigger fastly, not minding the whinnying sound

Seven was in the elevator, no sooner he hit the ground

I follow by minutes, ascending this one-star town

(Closer to where the story began

Down goes the trickles of sand)

He cornered himself on the casino cafe roof

I met him on the edge..and laid on him some truth

Broke his nose..and showed him a happy youth

He took flight from the sky..slicker than a sleuth

The images and sounds of 'thud' echoed my ear

He fell like my heart did..Didn't he dear?..

"Rose, dear?", I thought..time coming near..

I awaited his frowning corpse..life three was here

(I met him on the street, below a blue milky sky

He looked sad and dead..So I said "Hi".)

Then..

..The tangerine Corevette the next block over..

It came to life, like a blood bladed rover..

Spinning steel on the front..Seven once drove her

Now coming after me..a lawn mover to a clover

Rabbits feet fail me, four petals not working

He comes at me over 50, leechingly smirking

Tall brick wall distant..my bloody death lurking

I spun my body, flipping back..he's too fast for turning

(He jumps out of the car, and in my midflight

Against the wall it explodes, sounding in the night.)

Now the scene is raw..It feels black and white

I rip off some of his hair, and drag him to a fight..

I throw him against the car door, burning bright

I thrash him with my knuckles with all my might

(Then she came..from down the avenue..

My memories of her have been blue..)

Arrived at my feet, and closer to my lips..

Rose dear..you're here..In my mind's violent trip..

She leaned to me in dream..with a cherry kiss

Seven stabbed her from behind..Why..

Why did it end like this

She fell like an angel..Her love all for naught

I know when I wake..Her love I'll have forgot

I turn every breath in my life..those raging thoughts..

Shoot Seven in the head..Doesn't heal my distraught

..The cold air melts into death.

(And then..I feel it like a twist in this play

Twist in my gut..The 'Rose' has thorns..Oh babe..)

I ran off into the street, feeling my life fading

She gave me a poisonus kiss..emotion degrading..

Fell to the second corpse..the hues of life shading..

..Feeling a light..From my reverie I was waking

(The bed shook as I jumped off the pillow.)

(..)

(..Rage..Sorrow..It becomes an obsession..

..Put down the thoughts and smile.. just some lesson)

But do..dream on.